It’s not a hugely popular belief, my view on life and the afterlife. I have always believed that we are more than this life. More than these bodies. More than the limited reality we experience here on Earth. I believe that we are souls, repeatedly wandering and making our way through many lifetimes. This just happens to be one of them.
Of course, most of us can agree at least that we will all shed our earthy bodies and our spirit will move on to wherever it goes after this life is over. Maybe you believe that we go into limbo or heaven or hell or that we simply die and that’s that. Some may think that we will all be Angels once our time has come. I believe, though, that it’s actually the other way around…I think we have always been and will always be infinite spiritual beings simply traveling here for a lifetime (or a few or a thousand), borrowing this body to learn and then to shed, releasing ourselves of physical limitation and growing in spirit.
Now I’m not saying that anyone else’s beliefs are wrong nor that this is what I believe in its entirety. I think that all beliefs are considered true to the believer and that’s more than enough for me…spirituality is a very very personal thing and I am not here to debate the merits or downfalls of any belief system. I’m not writing this to change anyone’s mind or create doubt. I’m simply putting it out there because it is fundamental to my journey here, in this place, at this time.
I have long joked that I must’ve been an absolutely horrible person in a past life because of the trials and obstacles I have had to endure and overcome in my short life. I’ve had far more than my share, without a doubt. I have managed to notice some patterns, though (usually ending up in the same situation with the same outcome, wondering how I got here again or why I must turn the other cheek again…I’m getting bruised from all the hits, dammit) and I’ve come to believe that these patterns are part of my lesson here.
It all began when I started noticing numbers. Not all numbers, just a particular set…over and over and over and over. They were everywhere; on receipts, on license plates, my bank balance, my vehicle mileage, the clock. It was the strangest sensation when I saw them too. It was much more than a simple recognition…it was more like everything else became out of focus when I would see them and for a second, time would stop and nothing else in the world existed. I started telling people about these numbers because it was more than just coincidental…one of whom was a long time friend of mine who loves to research things like this. She proceeded to send me articles about Angel Numbers and it started making sense to me. Now I know some of you must think ‘Oh, Lordy, she’s finally gone off the deep end…it’s officially happened’ but it’s not like that. I just became aware of sets of repeating numbers and began researching them and their possible meanings when a pattern arose.
This Angel Number discovery forced my awareness and was actually the first step in my current spiritual journey, although I didn’t realize that then. Still, I made a point to start focusing on what my thoughts were at all times. I began actively trying to pinpoint the exact thought (and its underlying thoughts) right before I saw certain number patterns. Once I did this, it made it much easier to feel a Presence all around me, at all times, as if there was some sort of divine intervention occurring. In fact, a particular set of numbers presented themselves as I was reading the email from Joy asking if I would be interested in coming to Grenada for three months and appeared every single time I focussed my attention on this trip. I kid you not!
Listening to (or maybe just believing in) these messages has also helped me to let go of a certain amount of control. I’ve learned to hand it over and let myself be guided in many matters. I think this is lesson number one. I’m an admitted control freak. I like to think I can control outcomes and situations if I just make all the right moves but the fact is I can’t. I’m learning to accept that. I’m learning that while I am free to work towards any personal or professional goal and can decide what steps to take to achieve that goal, I cannot forcibly determine the outcome. I’m learning to trust that life’s twists and turns are sometimes fate’s way of making sure I am walking the right path or taking a detour at the right moment in order to become a better, stronger person and fulfill my full potential (even if it doesn’t feel that way all the time). I am learning that sometimes you just have to be patient and wait to see what unfolds. I’m learning that fear and change can often bring the best things into your life if you just have the guts to face it head on. But more than that, I’ve learned that being willing to accept a perceived failure as simply a chance to learn and become a better person is what growth is all about.
My second lesson seems to be in loving selflessly. If you know me, you know that if I care about you, I would do absolutely anything for you. A friend needs me at three in the morning? I’m there. You need a hand with moving? I’m there. Need an ear or some unbiased, nonjudgmental advice? I got you. You need a third arm or kidney? Here, I have two, have one of mine. This is true for me especially in romantic relationships. While I have managed to always remain exactly who I am without losing my core self, I have a tendency to….let’s say….add a heartbeat? I don’t know the best words to use but basically, if I love you, you become a part of me. A part of my heart, a part of my thoughts, a part of every decision I make. But that’s me. And I will not ever apologize or feel regret for it because I believe that to be exactly what love is; considering someone to be your equal…your counterpart…their feelings, thoughts, opinions, all of it…and living as if your choices are their choices and the consequences and joys are yours to share together. I give my everything to all matters of the heart (after a period of being fully walled-off, of course. You gotta know if someone is willing to climb over or bust right through that well-constructed wall first….I’m not nuts!) and I think lesson number two is to know that, although it might not always work out, I should choose to give anyway. To cry and have my knees buckle in grief but to love anyway and get up to love again. To continue to give each loved one a part of me regardless of the ultimate outcome. To always choose to behave with kindness, love and respect. To know that the pain of love is, in and of itself, proof of the absolute euphoria and worthiness of love.
I hope that I have made people’s lives better for my loving them, they certainly made mine better in many ways. My friend’s and family’s unconditional love for me has most definitely made me a more humble and appreciative person. Thank you to each and every person, friend, former flame and colleague, with whom our experiences together shaped me for the better. And thank you, too, to the loves lost and to those who I have yet to meet; without knowing both loss and hope, you could never fully appreciate those friendships and relationships that help make you who you are and stand the test of time.
It is this process of getting knocked down, getting back up, being reborn stronger, learning, letting go, loving, growing, and giving that allows us to grow in spirit and in personal fortitude. I suppose that’s my lesson. In the words of Mother Teresa:
People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.