About Time

Remember when you were a kid and it seemed as if time just stood still; like there was never a need to worry about it? It’s actually quite sweet the way our innocent little minds worked that way. Summers were too short and school days too long but otherwise, there was so much time ahead of us. As adults, we know that time isn’t what we thought it was back then and yet we still insist on acting as if we have so much of it. We rush from one event to another, speed off to work and hurry home, are barely present when out to eat with friends, looking down at our phones the whole time for fear of missing out (how ironic), tell our significant others what they’re doing wrong in the moment instead of listing all the things they are always doing right. We forget to stop and just breathe in life and appreciate what we have, the person with whom we are sharing our lives (even if it’s only ourselves for the time being) and where we are at any given moment. And that’s pretty sad. 

I know I’m guilty of turning my focus towards the negative, the mundane, the insignificant, the sad…sometimes concentrating on the one thing that’s going wrong instead of seeing all that is right. But I’m trying to become more present and spend less time on the things that don’t help me grow. That’s just one part of what this journey is about for me. I’m far from being perfect in this endeavor but I have managed to find a few truths that help me stay in the now. Afterall, we are only given a finite amount of time here and if you are really honest with yourself, you’ll find that a lot of that time is wasted on things that simply aren’t necessary. Here’s what I’ve learned so far:

1. Forgive those who have hurt you or didn’t see your value.

This one is probably the hardest of them all which is why I’m starting with it. It takes an immense amount of effort to truly forgive someone who has hurt you be it through betrayal, harsh words or actions, inaction, infidelity, or simply not appreciating you. The trick is to know (and really believe) that their actions or choices are NOT A REFLECTION OF YOUR WORTH. What they do contributes to their karma, not yours. The choices they make, while they may impact you negatively in the short term, deliver consequences, good or bad, that only they have to live with in the long run. If someone has hurt you, forgive them. You do not have to forget….in fact, remember that shit if you feel it will help you protect yourself in the future…but forgive them quickly and fully. The faster you can do this, the faster you can get back to the present and stop reliving the pain of the past.

2. Understand that everyone must walk their own path. 

I have, many times in the past, spent too much time obsessing and worrying over the lives of other people. Don’t get me wrong, I am more than happy to offer my opinion or advice if asked but I try to no longer think too much on the choices other people make. Worrying about their life pulls the attention away from me focussing on mine. It’s an admirable trait to care deeply for your friends and family but being too involved in their choices either makes you feel accountable for their actions or causes them to stop thinking for themselves. Neither of those things are good so I have to constantly remind myself that everyone must walk their own path and only offer my input if specifically asked. Additionally, remember that each of us makes our own decisions based on what we think we want, need or feel at any given time. If you are hurting because someone has left you heartbroken, remember that they are only walking their own path the best they can. They probably loved you, they probably still think about you, they are probably hurting too. Be kind and gentle in your thoughts towards them as your thoughts are powerful and will manifest in your own experience.

3. Stop worrying about the past and obsessing over the future. 

This is the biggest thing for me right now. I’ve had a very hard go at it lately. My entire life imploded and I was left shaken and raw. But I’m still standing. I wake up every morning to the sound of the waves crashing onto the shore heathy and strong. I have wonderful family and friends who I know care deeply for me and my wellbeing. I know that I am never truly alone. I’m in the Caribbean for the next three months for fucks sake. Life is good, even when it’s bad! Yet all those things don’t stop me from waking up in the middle of the night or recalling, vividly and painfully, the things that led me here. They don’t stop the nightmares. They don’t stop the tears from coming whenever the hell they feel like it. I find myself afraid and anxious about my next steps simply because I don’t know them yet. But you know what? That’s OK! I’m putting in a lot of effort to heal, take stock of my surroundings and allow myself to just be in the now, in all its wonderful, sometimes painful, realness. I read a great article the other day about using your feet to keep you focussed on the present. Yes, your feet. Go check it out….because this method has worked wonders for me! I’m practicing everyday and already can tell a difference. I’m noticing what’s in front of me, not what has happened or what will happen. Worrying is like praying for a bad outcome, as they say. And regret will kill you.. so there’s that.

4. Know when to fight harder and when to walk away.  

Having just gone through a breakup myself, it is important to know when you’ve had enough or when to fight harder. This is a very hard distinction to make because often times your head and your heart are at odds. Your head can play tricks on you, your heart can blind you but I promise you, if you listen hard enough to your gut, you already know the answer….your gut is rarely wrong. If it’s time to walk away, the key is to let them go gracefully. Say how much they mean/meant to you and express how much you’ll miss them. Thank them for filling an important role in your life and then just let them go to walk a different path than your own. It really is that simple. You’re going to miss them, they will cross your mind a thousand times a day, everything you see and hear will remind you of them but be strong and know you have to do what’s right for you (and they for them)…the bad will fade and the rest will fall into place in time. As a good friend of mine said to me recently; there is beauty in the breakdown. Experience it, embrace it, let it mold you.

If your gut tells you to fight harder, do it with respect and kind communication. So many relationships (romantic, friendly, business or otherwise) don’t succeed because of a failure to communicate with respect. Remember that this person means something to you and speak to them that way. Anything else is just bad form. Just remember, some relationships aren’t meant to be forever….some are meant to help you grow, some to help you learn, some to hold you up, some are strictly about your role in the other party’s journey….all that matters is that you cared and you tried. The outcome isn’t necessarily the important part, remember that.

5. Tell your loved ones that they are loved.

Take every single opportunity to tell the important people what they mean to you because you won’t know when it’s the last time until that time has already passed. There’s no shame in loving and appreciating someone and I can guarantee that there’s not a person out there who doesn’t like to be told they are loved. Just do it and do it often. If it’s not reciprocated, that’s on them and not you…you can’t make someone love you back but you can love them anyway.

All in all, life is too short to live in the past, worry about the future or wake up everyday wishing something was different. You can waste an entire lifetime thinking about things that make no actual difference. Just remember; Life is hard but it is good. Learn to love the now…Learn to love the journey…And most importantly, learn to put yourself first. As for me, I’m still working on all of those things so I’m off to the beach where my soul feels the most at ease to feel the sand between my toes and allow the salty sea air to run its fingers through my hair.