10 Things That Happen When You Spend 21 Days Alone

As most of you know, my hosts left me for their adventure 21 days ago. I was prepared for this departure; I had books and movies loaded onto the iPad, a list of things to keep me busy, a magazine to produce, a car to get me from point A to point B, a few friends on the island to hang out with…but no amount of careful panning could have prepared me for what actually happened….here are just ten of the (many) things I learned by spending 21 days in solitude.

1. Every mosquito within a 2-mile radius will know what you taste like.

Every. Single. One. I have never been one of those people that Mosquitos like but apparently, when they don’t have a proper buffet selection, they will happily torture whoever is around. In three weeks, I went through 4 bottles of OFF and still found myself with bites too numerous to count. You don’t know what hell is until you have bites on the bottoms of your feet or in unmentionable places.

2. You can only watch so much Netflix.

We’ve all been there….the moment your Netflix stops playing and asks if you’re still watching. Usually my response would be ‘yes, Netflix, don’t judge me, it’s my day off’ but after a while, I can guarantee you the response turns into ‘ugh, yeah….I have like three more hours until it can be considered an appropriate bedtime’.

3. Books are AMAZING!

I have always been an avid reader but in the last 21 days I have read 10 books. (A personal record for me). They have spanned across the genres of spiritually, fiction, suspense, and nonfiction. I have found many hours of entertainment within their pages….especially at night when the other forms of entertainment like painting or exploring aren’t viable options.

 

4. Your mind is your own worst enemy.

Spending time alone…like really alone…for more than a few days should be an Olympic sport or something. Let me first say that being alone and being lonely are two totally different things. Being alone, after all other sources of entertainment have been exhausted, forces you to really look inward and face the demons that you’ve carried around and ignored for so long. Think of the last time you had the flu, how many days did you make it until you were so stir crazy you couldn’t stand it anymore? How many days until you found yourself thinking about going to see your friends even though you felt like crap just because you were SO bored? Now double, triple or quadruple the days and go ahead and take the Internet and other forms of communication out of the equation for about a fifth of them. Yeah….

But I am even stronger than I thought and not only found the courage to face my demons but went to battle with them and came out victorious.

5. Exploring new territory solo can be really fun but also a little lacking.

I have spent many hours wandering the island, hiking trails, finding the perfect spot to lay on several beaches, driving until I got lost and then making it a personal challenge to find my way back, picking up the occasional hitchhiker (yes, it’s a perfectly okay thing to do here…although I still only offer rides to old people and women), and talking to just about anyone with whom I come into contact. Every one of my solo adventures provided either personal peace, confidence, excitement or happiness, however there were several times when I found myself thinking, ‘man I wish someone were here to share this with or so-and-so would love this view’.  There’s nothing wrong with having the guts to go it alone and having the ability to actually enjoy solo adventure (in fact the rewards are immeasurable) but there’s something about shared experience that brings us together as human beings. This is where loneliness comes in.

 6. Loneliness is not being without a partner, it’s being without anyone.

I’ll be the first to admit I LOVE my alone time. I’m used to being alone….fending for myself, entertaining myself, caring for myself, taking care of the daily household and business needs by myself. I’m hugely independent; sometimes to a fault. But there were several days here that I felt the pang of real loneliness. I would venture that a few of you know exactly what I’m speaking of; the physical ache, the instinct to run away from the four walls of your brain, the absolute fundamental yearning for human interaction but not having any of those things at your disposal; no immediate remedy or even a temporary solution. And I’m not speaking about the desire for a romantic partner, I’m talking about the way your soul misses other souls, be it friends or strangers. I chose several times to sit with this feeling and experience it for all that it’s worth. And you know what, loneliness is actually a gift that many people choose to forfeit. You discover (or confirm) that you can be complete, happy and content with just yourself but still desire for company, that human interaction is the fabric that makes mankind what it is and that without it you can survive perfectly well but with it you can really flourish.

7. Sometimes, dancing is the best medicine.

I have always loved to dance. I’ve danced since I could walk, probably, and have no intention to ever stop seeking the joy of movement. Every morning, I wake up, feed the animals, drink my coffee and dance. In that order. There have been a couple of days when I woke up and the view of the ocean out of my bedroom window wasn’t sufficient to boost my spirit in an effective and long lasting way. My solution? Well, aside from practicing thought re-mapping techniques and mediation/prayer, the best answer I found was dance. I’d put on a happy tune and just start moving. Sometimes it was forced at first but within ten minutes I was smiling and felt free of my mental burdens. You should try it…I swear it actually works if you allow it to!

 

8. You can have your biggest fear revealed to you and overcome it.

I’m pretty fearless…with the exception of clowns, tree frogs and those giant mutant grasshoppers (seriously, what the actual f*ck is their purpose?). Of course all of those fears are based in actual experience and it’s more an aversion than a fear, but I digress. I take life’s challenges, failures, losses and heartbreaks as opportunities to learn and grow and am a master at adjusting. However there is one thing that has always caused me a great deal of internal suffering: the persistent thought that I am not enough or that I deserve the bad that comes my way. That was not an easy sentence to write as very (VERY) few people know this to be a part of my underlying thoughts when things go wrong. I usually choose to ignore it, bury myself in work, social activities and projects to overcompensate for my perceived personal failure and display to the world and prove to myself how strong and resilient I am (it’s part of my Type A stubborness as well as how I cope). But this time, when I was confronted by two devastating revelations within hours of each other, each of which the very possibility of them being a reality had consistently weighed heavy in the back of my mind, I stood up and faced the underlying hurt. Alone. I won’t go into detail on what the news was that I received nor the actual resulting feelings I was forced to endure but I will say that after much reflection, I discovered not only did I give my fears the power to affect me but I made them stronger by assuming they would break me. Guess what? They won’t; they didn’t. I’m proof that your biggest fear can come and stand, ugly and snarling, right in front of you and you can defeat it by simply getting up and facing it head on. The result? I am absolutely, unequivocally, without a doubt enough….and even tougher than I thought. I even got over my fear of the giant grasshoppers (but that’s another story LOL).

9. Life is so beautiful when you actually see it.

For the past decade, I have placed heavy importance on my work. I built my company from the ground up, I became a successful entrepreneur, I clocked far more hours than most, I won awards and recognition. All absolutely worth it but I’m starting to understand that work is not the important part. The important part is waking up everyday with the capacity to work, breathing in fresh air, feeling the earth on your bare feet and the wind kiss your cheeks. The most beautiful parts of life are the moments you cannot define, not the home or car or new gadget. Don’t get me wrong I LOVE my gadgets but if given the choice to save one, I’d save the potential adventure over my iPad.

10. We are spoiled rotten in the U.S.

TV, Netflix, fast internet, shopping centers, gyms, movie theaters, amusement parks, central heating and  air, fast food, convenience stores……my goodness we are so lucky and we don’t know it. We take all of it for granted everyday and still find ourselves wanting and wishing for more. I’ve learned that while all of the comforts of home are certainly lovely conveniences to have at our finger tips, they are in many ways distractions for the over stimulated mind. I’ve learned to slow down, take my time and just sit as much as possible. To just breathe in the air, listen to Mother Nature’s melody and appreciate another day of living.

 

BONUS: #11. Writing this blog is very cathartic for me and I’m happy that you all are here to share it with! Thank you for reading!